Rock Bottom, An Emotional Narrative
by Abstract Buttercups
Summary: "Why did you have to come back here? To rock bottom?" Very different POV... story is about Greg mostly. Based a few weeks after Fault Lines, my take on a number of what-ifs.


4

_An Emotional Narrative_

(In stream of consciousness)

Hey. So, you're sitting all the way down here again, huh? I had heard the rumours but man; I was really hoping you would not come. I hate visitors. I make everyone miserable. Oh, how did I hear about this? The proverbial grapevine of course, all dried up and withered, pieces of gossip transferring down each leaf like dew drops.

Hope saw you first, at the end of that really bad day at work. I get it, your best friend got shot seven times (five in the vest, two in the arm, he's going to be ok); you and your colleagues got torn apart, emotionally, by the bi-annual review. It's been a few weeks, but I want to talk about how it started.

Your commanding officer wanted an outside guy this time, and you didn't think you could be objective, either. You lately doubt your own judgement. You work together so long, on a team, now you're like family. So you didn't want to over look anything, protect them, and take any chances. But then the guy comes, and he is this arrogant military guy, with a rep for breaking up teams. All the tactical was great, top scores in Toronto, you are still the best Emergency Task Force team around. But it was the psych evals that did it.

Your team leader, the one who got shot, he's not doing to badly. He's the "I'm fine" guy anyway, never a weak moment. His wife went to her mother's for a while; she's upset because he works so much. Some complications with the baby, and she went into labour the same time he got shot by that stupid road-raging man. It was a healthy little girl, and he made it though surgery, but you know that. They are going to spend time together, re-coup.

There's one girl on your team, she's a tough cookie. She gets a reprimand for a previous brief relationship with the rookie on the team, because it's against the rules. Between teams is fine, but not on the same one. The feelings for each other could cause them to break codes during a situation, codes called priority-of-life. It's about hostages first, basically, duty to the civilians, then wounded teammates. They aren't together anymore, but both have a hard time hiding the bitterness of wanting to be, but also wanting to be on the same team. Besides that, those two are good cops.

The rookie, he's ex-JTF2. Saw some crazy stuff in the Afghan sands, and got his honourable discharge after a friendly fire, which was put on the hush-hush. He didn't want to go back anyway, he'd been cleared to shoot, and it was consuming him. His father's a General, a real jerk. Not much of a childhood moving around the deserts, but he's coming around. He's slowly finding his place; he's valued on this team, learning that crisis negotiation and profiling (your main job) can be the answer.

Then there's your tech guy, the geek with combat skills. He's a mess. His best friend was on the team, and the guy died, gave his life on a landmine which shouldn't have been there, for the sake of everyone else. If that isn't enough, his parents were always pressuring him to go into a safer line of work than a SWAT team, and that day they didn't support him. They just poured it on even thicker, his father especially. They don't want to lose their son is their point; but he replied if every cop quit because a loved one was worried, who would be left to keep the peace? His father hasn't spoken to him since that day, won't look at him. Now dad's got lung cancer and he's only got a few more months to live. What does the tech guy do? He keeps up with the jokes but… my friends Guilt and Shame are wearing him down.

That leaves your CQC man. Hard worker who does his job well, always the most level headed there. But lately, the stress of a young family (wife and three daughters), mortgage, and simply keeping it all together is getting him down too. Insomnia turned trouble remembering things, then lower scores on the practice range. Now he's got shaky hands, he hasn't told anyone, but the shrink is a sharp guy, and orders him to get a full medical. These subtle signs are adding up to something much bigger. He's scared because he's been a good cop for 20 years, how's he going to do anything else? Take care of his family?

And that leaves you, Sergeant, forming a team of six. There are fault lines running everywhere. So you all get probation. The psychologist will be watching transcripts and cases, you've had a record number of tough calls in the past two years, and that can wear you down. Wit hall you've been through, he's not sure you all can do the job right now.

You've got your own ball of wax, but you were dealing with it. You were. Whenever there's a trigger, you know what to do. You're the reason behind change, you're proof and Hope knows that. But that guy and that day, it got to you. You've been kissed on the check by Doubt already, and Anxiety is going for the other one.

So then Hope, she failed you and passed you onto Ambivalence. I didn't want to believe it, you know? Haven't seen you in… wow, nearly ten years. Why did you do it? Why throw ten good years down the drain?

I know why, there's another guy. He's kind of a drifter between us rivals, the positives and the negatives. His mom was Happiness, and his father, Stress. This guy, Life, he's bi-polar, and you never know when he comes your way, if he's on his meds or not. Life just happens, and the day of that evaluation, he punched you in the gut.

You were dealing with it, you were, but then you got the call, the straw that broke the camel's back: it was a hit and run. She died instantly. Ten years of friendship, being a father figure for this poor little girl, whose mom had been shot on a call back when you were a homicide cop, and she's dead now. You'd be brave for each other then, and pulled through. But now she's gone and your team is in shambles, so my Aunt Grief… she pushed you over the edge.

You went to a corner store and came out with a bottle of strong amber and a packet of spearmint gum.

I know Life is tough on you man, but why'd you do it? Why throw ten years of sobriety down the drain, why come down here to visit me in my cold, dark little hole? Why come back to rock bottom?

My name is Lonely Despair. I got the better of you again.

I'm so, so sorry.


End file.
